This is a post about being single.
I don’t get jealous of marriages or babies. Engagements don’t make me bitter, because weddings are one of my most favorite things in the whole world. I’m totally down to hang out with my friends and their spouses; that stuff doesn’t make me lonely.
Here’s the thing.There is a severe lack of celebration for the single people.
I was looking at my Facebook newsfeed, where people post how they announced their pregnancy five years ago, or their first dates two years ago or it’s their anniversary or they got engaged or blah blah.
You know what I’d like?
I’d like for someone to buy me a greeting card that says “congratulations, you have watched hundreds of movies without a hand to hold,” and then slip me a $10 bill. or how about a party that says “you’ve made a bunch of important life decisions without a single consistent person to talk to and you’re awesome.” or what about “I’m so proud that you haven’t looked at your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook in two weeks, have a few Starbucks beverages on me.”
Every time someone gets engaged, I’m so happy… and then I buy their bridal shower gift and their wedding gift and think “you know, if I continue on this course of life, I’ll spend thousands of dollars celebrating people, and my greatest celebration will be post-mortem celebration of life.”
Let me tell you about the things I’d like for people to send me cards about:
- I went on dates with two different guys who never communicated with me after the dates, and I still decided to be hopeful.
- Once a guy at Starbucks gave me his contact info and said we should hang out and when I contacted him he said he was too busy, but I decided that there were probably still some okay human beings in the world.
- The guy who kind of turned my world upside down last year got engaged, and I haven’t said a single mean thing about it. Also – I haven’t cried about it. That one deserves a freaking medal.
- I still don’t pseudo-date my guy friends, even when I’m having a really rough day and I want to fish for compliments so that I can hear a male tell me that I’m an okay human being.
- Â It took awhile, but I finally threw away a few emotional momentos from past relationships.
REAL TALK, though: for all of the reassuring my friends that their kids are cute and hilarious, and the weddings I attend date-less, and the money I drop on showers of all kinds… sometimes I’d just like a moment to be celebrated for the fact that I spend a lot of time and money celebrating the big moments in other people’s lives while my monumental decisions – deciding to hide my ex-boyfriends’ friends from my newsfeed, or throwing away sentimental things, or experiencing high levels of rejection with grace – are rarely even talked about, but certainly not celebrated.
I don’t want encouraging “hang in there,” sentiments or reassurances of God’s plan, which is often what words like these result in.
I want a greeting card.
with a gift card.
or with a pair of fuzzy socks, or maybe a cute printable, or oooh a succulent.
A little tiny celebration
of the fact that with each year my life goes on painfully unchanged, it’s been made up of a whole bunch of really big life decisions that go completely unnoticed.
It’s just been one of those days.
Stephanie! I couldn’t love this more! I think this is everything I’ve been thinking/feeling/wanting to say about being single. You’re right – I am SO HAPPY for my friends who are engaged, my cousin who just had the sweetest baby boy… But, I did some pretty awesome things, too. I totally trust God’s plan. I don’t need to hear “When God is ready for you to meet…” But a “hey, you taught 200 barre classes last year? Amazing!” and a gift card wouldn’t suck.
For what its worth, I think you’re pretty dang amazing. Here’s to you!
DUDE. 200 BARRE CLASSES IS FREAKING AMAZING. i went to ONE. haha.
and for real… i don’t want reassurance of my future, i want celebration of my NOW!
let’s have a freaking celebration. let us party and dance because we’re doing awesome and amazing things that get overlooked every day.
CHEERS!
This is SO TRUE. Why are there only celebrations for couples? I appreciate you and your accomplishments! Seriously, those are some big things. Getting over rejection and getting over past relationships is tough.
i love you. i appreciate you. i think you’re freaking awesome.
All of my coworkers are married and at different stages in their lives than I am. So sometimes it’s hard being the youngest and the only one who is very single. But one of them always makes a point to say to me “I celebrate singleness” (when it’s relevant to a conversation of course). And I like it because I know she sees me and how my life is very different
oh i love that! someone commented on my Facebook post about how she knew a single woman in her 40s (so basically me in 10 years lol) who would throw little showers for people when they like moved into a dorm or apartment or whatever. but i freaking love that idea. i feel like maybe we should plan something like that. like let’s all be in socal and let’s just have a singles shower.
…for real.
Well I can only guess there are so many celebrations for couples because it’s an accomplishment. Yes being coupled up is amazing, but sharing your life is not always as wonderful as a single person might imagine. For anyone who has been in a long term relationship beyond the honey moon phase (more than 3 years), they know that it can be incredibly difficult to always reconcile your own desires with those of another. Anniversaries are a celebration of communication and compromising in the name of loving someone more than you love yourself. While being single has it’s downfalls, remember that those are linked to freedom. You can do whatever you want and every decision is all about you. Being in a relationship is about being selfless. Next time you want to be celebrated, remember that your freedom is your celebration. You have the power to make major life decisions while only considering yourself. If you want to go bungee jumping or move across the country on a whim, then you can. I hope that you can learn to be happy in yourself. You don’t need other people to validate (or celebrate) your big life decisions.
http://makingrestorations.blogspot.com
i hear what you’re saying – but there’s still an accomplishment in being single. i don’t think i have any romantic, unrealistic expectations with marriage, but there’s a lot of UNKNOWN in being single. even down to… will i have my last name forever? in five years, i might have a completely different last name and i have NO IDEA what it could be or what that person might look like. it’s just a huge part of life to have void. i don’t think it will fix me, heal me, make me “complete” or anything like that. it’s just something i truly desire and can only do so much about.
and i think that “freedom” isn’t a celebration any more than “compromise” is a celebration. a celebration is a moment, an event, a declaration made. like a wedding, baby shower, bridal shower, engagement dinner. those moments for me would genuinely look like “he got engaged and i didn’t cry,” or “i chose debt repayment over target” or “it’s been 100 movies without anyone holding my hand,” or other tiny but monumental celebrations of trusting God and doing life on my own.
Well if it makes you feel any better, I’ve had lots of major life changes that weren’t celebrated either. And after you get married/have a kid, what major milestone is there to celebrate? So basically, you still have some of the best things to look forward too and that’s a really good thing
http://makingrestorations.blogspot.com
My sister called me a nerd for asking for nice kitchen stuff for christmas. As someone who has never had the privilege of registering for wedding gifts, how am I supposed to get the nice stuff unless I buy it for myself? I’m not bitter…I’m just saying that I agree with you 100%.
singles shower. i’m serious. i want to have a singles shower.
Yessssss! I’ve often thought that it should be culturally acceptable to have a huge birthday party for a monumental birthday that you are totally allowed to register at target for!
I love this post and it is totally true! Celebrations have to do with children or adding dates, but they rarely just celebrate a person being an individual. Also, dating is HARD and I do agree you should be celebrated for going through it!
“dating is HARD” literally just made me cry because IT IS!!!! thank you for being sensitive to that! <3
I was there once too and I remember a lot of tears and a lot of prayers.
I felt this exact way when I was single (for what seemed like an eternity)! I got married 2 months before I turned 30. So I spent a better part of a decade thinking this same thing. Now it’s about being married without kids. First, I was less of a person cause I was single. Now I’m not single anymore, but I’m less of a person because we don’t have any kids. It’s messed up. Really!