How in the world is it August already? Why do I literally always start ALL of my blog posts freaking wondering why and how it got to be whatever day/month it is?

Awhile ago we were going through the stuff I’d left in my mom’s garage, getting ready for a garage sale, when I found a letter from September 2014 that I’d addressed to myself to be read in September 2015.

I read it and felt a sinking feeling in my heart. It was encouraging myself to keep on keeping on with stuff I’d turned around in my life: emotions, managing my weight, paying off my debt and working on my blog.

It was like reading a list of all the ways I’ve failed. emotions, weight, debt, this blog.

So I cried about that, because ugh. There’s nobody to blame but myself. All of those unaddressed issues in my life leave me feeling pretty worthless as a person.

Having literally ALL DAY to be in charge of my seconds, minutes and hours makes all of that even worse. I COULD be being more intentional about caring for myself, I COULD be taking time to eat better and/or exercise, I COULD be way more diligent with my finances and I COULD spend time at my computer writing blog posts.

and yet…

I do all the other easy things.

I honestly feel like there’s a weird switch that’s been flipped in my being where I just can’t seem to make the best decisions for myself. and I keep thinking “well if only ________,” but that thing never happens or matters or anything.

It’s rough.

I love and miss you little corner of the internet. Thanks for always being here.

Lately I’ve had a few people come up to me and say “you’re an entrepreneur, you’ll get this,” and I’ve literally looked around uncomfortably and wondered why they would think that.

I’m not an entrepreneur, I’m just a girl who digs through other people’s discarded clothing and sells it on the internet.

and then the other day it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Forget that lie, I am a freaking bad-a. A few years ago I was miserable at a job that I loved but was overworked, underpaid and felt unappreciated. I finally got the courage to quit that job. Landed in another job I hated. Quit that to nanny full time. and while nannying this precious baby boy, I realized… I cannot work for other people. I hate driving to work, I hate being at work, I hate thinking about going to work.

So I quit that and started doing something I LOVE – going to thrift stores and buying stuff I don’t need… but not to keep, to sell.

and now when family needs help, I can provide it. If friends want to get coffee mid-day, I can accommodate it. If I want to fly to Nashville for two and a half weeks…

I don’t have to request time off from anybody except Justen.

I AM FREE, Y’ALL!

Here’s the thing, though. I spent YEARS – literally YEARS – trying to figure out what job I wanted, applying for jobs for the money, and feeling absolutely miserable. Every time Ernie would talk to me about taking a leap of faith and quitting my job, I would give a zillion reasons why I couldn’t do it and I’d hide underneath a cloak of fear.

and now as I think about the past year, deciding not to “get” a job at some point, I realize how heavy my weights were.

I spent a LONG time listening to CAN’T.

I CAN’T quit my job.
I CAN’T trust myself.
I CAN’T make as much money as I do.
I CAN’T sustain something.
I CAN’T this or that.

But “CAN’T” was really a less vulnerable way of saying “I’m scared to…” and I KNOW there are people who can relate to that list, as well as add a crap ton more, and I have a few words I want to tell you.

You can.

and you can, scared.

and you can, scared and uncertain.

and you can, scared and uncertain and overwhelmed.

Don’t be stupid about it. Don’t leap before you look a little. Plan a little. Save some money, make a plan, recruit support, take some time to cry for a whole day

and then do it. Scared, uncertain and overwhelmed. Whatever “it” is. You know deep in your soul. Your “it” might be a little vague, like mine (I can’t work for someone else), so you might need to get creative.

Do it WHILE you plan. Do it WHILE you save. Do it WHILE you’re recruiting support and do it WHILE you cry for days at a time.

I never would have believed in myself a fraction of what I do had my friend Ernie not spent so much time encouraging me, pouring into me and celebrating me when I finally did it.

Not everybody has an Ernie in their corner, so I wanted to take a minute to root you on. You CAN sell that smudge-proof lipstick. You CAN start a t-shirt company. You CAN build an online consulting business. You CAN do the thing that makes you forget that making money used to suck. You have within you the ability to take time off without submitting a request.

This is just your friendly reminder than you CAN, you DESERVE IT, and it’s there for the taking. Sparkle on, my friends.