Five minutes after I got to Jessica’s apartment, I said “I’m feeling weird today.”
She nodded and said “you don’t really seem like yourself.”
“I don’t know what it is,” I replied.
“Maybe,” she said “it’s because ANOTHER person is getting married?”
“Not at all,” I responded.
It took me a few minutes but I identified that I felt so weird because I was insecure about my outfit. Such a shallow problem, but it’s true.
I started thinking about what she suggested, though. That my funk might be in response to another wedding. I guess it makes sense, right? More people deserting me to go into unknown territory that is mysterious and captivating and curious. I guess it makes sense. I’m still waiting and they’ve taken off. Then I realized that I have two really obvious paths I could take while I am in my “waiting” season.
Path #1. Jealous/self-pity/whining/etc.
The first path is the one that is the easiest. Society helps us with this, too. There’s this notion that if you’re single and all of your friends get married, you should feel deserted and overlooked, rejected and alone. Wah wah, another person engaged, another person pregnant, and then here I am sitting at the train station while that train leaves.
Don’t. do. it.
It’s not worth it.
That path not only spirals you too deeply into yourself, it takes the joy out of someone’s life and poops on it and smears it on the walls. How do we expect our friends to respond to news like that in our lives? With an eye roll or a sarcastic Facebook status? Or do we want our friends to take path #2….
Path #2. FREAKING CELEBRATION.
In December I remember talking to Andrew about Alexis, and he straight up told me that she is the girl he was going to marry, and I got butterflies for him. and her. and life. and everything. Madeleine L’Engle has this quote that I wrote about in regards to another boy who gives me butterflies, but that how it’s so rare for two people to be caught up in needing each other.
SO CELEBRATE. PARTY HARD. Do your hair nice and wear a great outfit and awesome shoes. Buy presents and take pictures. CELEBRATE the joy your friends bring to your life WITH THEM. Do not expect to pout on the bench while they’re up to bat and then expect them to cheer when it’s your turn.
Party your heart out.Â
I sat at that wedding sandwiched in-between two engaged couples and sitting behind my other friend who is engaged. I asked about their weddings and wondered who I’d sit by and if there would be dancing, and I realized that while I had no “plus one” with me at that wedding, and though I’ll have to see so many more engagements and pregnancies before those are even on my horizon at all, I would miss out on so many opportunities to have a great time.
This isn’t just about singleness and marriage. One of the most influential people in my life is one of my friends who is unable to conceive. She’s made it to the holy land of marriage and there is a new, huge wait and weight in her life. I think of her every time a mutual friend announces their pregnancy or birth. and even though I know that she is so pained to the depths of her heart, I have never seen her reject an opportunity to celebrate with the people she loves, because that’s just what friends do.
This post is for you, who has showed me how to wait so gracefully and patiently. I celebrate your heart and your love and know that God’s plans for you and Aaron are greater than you could ever imagine.
I kinda feel like a hypocrite because I am married but i totally get it. and I wish I would have had this attitude when I was there. I met my husband right before the worst, worst, more terrible time in my life it was perfect timing but at the time it seemed like it was never going to happen. this isn’t comforting at all. but I just am super proud of the attitude you have/ its awesome.
don’t feel like a hypocrite! it’s not single vs married, because there are plenty of married people who poop on other married couple’s parties. job promotions, bigger houses, new cars, babies… there’s basically always stuff to want, haha. the older i get the more i cherish the excitement of these things happening for my friends. God’s timing is best, and its encouraging to hear what you wrote about his timing in your life and marriage. i can use all the reminders i can get! <3
bahaha that’s very very true. people love to poop on other people’s parties.
that’s probably why party pooping is such a thing. haha
this post is amazing! it is such a hard balance on both sides of the fence i think!
i remember feeling left out and forgotten when my friends were getting engaged and married and there were days when i chose path 1 because it was easy. but path 2 is definitely the path we need to be on! for ANY circumstance! and when i got engaged, i had a few friends that were very cynical/pouty and that hurt deeply because i felt like i had to hide my happiness or not celebrate that moment in my life. but i tried to remind myself of how i felt during that time too. it is just so hard sometimes to understand where someone else is at & truly understand the season of life they are in, when you are not there. love your outlook on this & you will never regret celebrating all of your friends!!
isn’t it so weird how other people’s happiness for some reason brings out the things we’re unhappy with in our lives? that is so messed up and such a result of our sinful, broken, fallen world. the whole body of christ thing – when someone is happy we rejoice and when they are sad we mourn. instead we mourn when other people are happy. SO WEIRD. i think as long as we do what you said – reminding ourselves how it feels – then we’re at least on the right track.
& any reason to wear fancy clothes and heels ;D