my {loudness} is my self defense.

I’m going to assume you all know Billy Joel’s And So It Goes. If you don’t, please listen to this. There’s a line in the song that says “and still I feel I said too much, my silence is my self defense.” and then later, “but if my silence made you leave, then that would be my worst mistake.”

Got it? Staying quiet to stay safe.
Wordiness a cause for worry-ness.

That’s not me. At all. I am wordy. and loud, too. not silent at all.
and yet those words, replacing “silence” with “loudness,” describe me perfectly.

Today it hit me:
When I am loud: obnoxious: wordy: full of stories: easily excited: laughy,
I am actually retreating deep within my shell, building up my outer wall and making it so thick and uninviting to protect what is deep inside.

Some people use quiet and silence to achieve this. I use noise. It’s a distraction, a rouse.

There’s that, for what it’s worth. I’ve been living with myself for almost 26 years {26 years next Monday!} and I’m still navigating the complexities of myself.

This morning I woke up at 6:30 am because… well, I never figured out why.

I sat up and saw the word “UGH.” It’s actually the word “laugh” but my water bottle is covering it. I though it was funny.

Once upon a time there was a pair of twins. Terry and Jerry. Jerry became the father of a daughter in May of 1985. Terry became the father of a son in October of 1985. In August of 1988, Terry got another son.

There they are.

and because don’t we all love showing off the people we love… there we are, at Phillip’s high school graduation. and yes. They are tall, and I am short.

Well, anyway.

The older of my two cousins got married this past weekend. It was absolutely beautiful and I cried and thought {many times} “God bless the people who know this family and love individuals in it enough to marry into it.”

yes, that really was the view.

It’s nice to have girls in my family. Did you see that picture above of us Orefices? Buncha testosterone!

Oh yeah, remember the day that I met him in Starbucks?