Why I’m not myself on social media.

Often, I’ll stumble upon articles that encourage you to remember that social media isn’t a real depiction of everyday life. Someone will talk about how we stage our pictures, focus on the ultra-positive, and totally dismiss any of the hard stuff in our lives.

I’m going to stand up right now and admit that my social media is not a completely true, accurate reflection of who I am. It is 100% true in what you see, but it’s not 100% true for the whole me. That sounds like it could be a rap song, just saying.

I scrolled through my Facebook Timeline. Wedding-related pictures (asking my flower girls, buying the dress) and Mean Girls stuff, elephants and sparkly things shared by my friends, an alert about Starbucks having toasted coconut syrup, and some pictures of kids I love.

All of that is me. I don’t ever want people to think that I don’t wholly love all of those things.

But what you don’t see is that I’ve stopped posting pictures of myself because I’ve gained so much weight I hate having my pictures taken. I have so much stuff and clutter in my life that I frequently have sobbing fits of overwhelm but I don’t have the time to do much about it because I’m so tired when I get home from work.

You don’t regularly see that I ran into a pro-Trump rally when I was at the Farmer’s Market and started crying, that I question the divisive nature of the current ‘United’ States of America. You don’t see that I don’t know where I stand with hot button issues, that I stopped going to church, that there are a lot of deaths in the families of people I love, that I rarely spend time with people who aren’t Justen and that I don’t really journal anymore.

But you also didn’t see me post about being engaged. I didn’t post about my best friend coming to town to help me pick out my wedding dress. I haven’t posted that I’m moving to Nashville for the summer, or that I drove to camp to ask two sweet girls to be my flower girls. I didn’t share that Rhoda sent me a wonderful card of congratulations, that Justen and I went to Target and registered, and I just found a pair of LuLaRoe leggings in my size AND a pretty peach color for $4.99 at Goodwill.

That’s kind of me and my life in a nutshell, and not much of it is seen on social media.

As I scrolled through my timeline one day I realized that if someone who didn’t know me looked at my timeline, I probably seemed like a happy-go-lucky, light-hearted, optimistic, fun girl. At times I can be those things, but I’m most often pessimistic, judgmental, tired, and timid.

The thing is, I just don’t think those parts of me – the parts I struggle with, the parts I work on and hope to change – belong on social media, because while social media is comprised of my close friends, it’s also comprised of people who don’t know me and haven’t earned the right to see the dark and twisty side of who I am.

I don’t do it to make my life seem perfect or awesome or inspiring or anything, I do it because there’s a difference between being my Facebook friend and being my actual friend, and I reserve the right to keep the two separate, good and bad parts of life.

So there you have it.

I’m not myself on social media, and I don’t feel bad about it at all.