Odds are, if you’re reading this, then someone in your life is battling depression.
I’m going to speak to you on their behalf for a minute.
Mostly because I want the people in my life to hear these things so badly, but I don’t really know how to tell them.
First of all. Let’s talk about depression.
Depression is an illness. It’s not a mindset or an attitude or a bad day.
Depression makes no sense to me. and I live with it. I’ve been living with it officially for 9 years. and I don’t get it.
If I am having a good hair day and wearing new shoes and got a free coffee beverage and fifteen random text messages from people telling me they are thinking about me, then why do I want to drive my car into the median? If I get a random letter in the mail at the very moment I am catching up with a friend on the phone, why do I feel like setting myself on fire or throwing rocks at cars or even just laying in bed and sobbing because the other stuff sounds like too much energy?
It makes NO SENSE.
So when my depression acts up, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not my choice to feel any of the things I am feeling.
I usually get to this point where I’m like “sleep or die.” Those are the two things. I either need to sleep ASAP or I need to die ASAP because my whole being is pained by the thought of existing.
Thus far in my life I’ve chosen sleep every time, but there are days when I wonder what would happen if I was braver.
That said, I found this brilliant list of ways to support people with depression. Let me first say, though, that these are all bandaids on a gunshot wound. These aren’t ways to FIX your friends or help treat their depression. These are ways to love them while they hurt, and I agree with every single one of them.
#1. Be there
#2. Try a small gesture
#3. Don’t judge or criticize
#4. Avoid the tough love approach
#5. Don’t minimize their pain
#6. Avoid offering advice
#7. Avoid making comparisons
#8. Learn as much as you can about depression
#9. Be patient
9 best ways to support someone with depression.
Do you have friends who are depressed?
Are you yourself depressed?
I genuinely want to hear stories right now.
These are good suggestions. I have chronic depression. I am on medication, and even when I am not, I am not depressed ALL the time… but it flares up at the most inopportune moments. Small little life disappointments or just random moments can throw me into depression. If i am on my meds during these times, I just feel sort of blah and unmotivated. If I am off my meds, I can literally be pacing around the house sobbing, because it actually feels physically painful. I sometimes even compare it to what the stomach flu feels like, where even your skin hurts! I pace around because movement seems to help a little, and I end up pacing so much that I get exhausted and get even worse. This is why I should not keep trying to live without my meds.
Speaking of meds, here are two more tips! If you have a friend who is on medication and is acting sad or is going through a rough time, don’t automatically ask them, “Are you taking your meds?” People on depression meds can still feel sadness and anxiety, and every time they feel an emotion, that doesn’t mean they’ve gone off their meds.
Also, if the person is on meds and is doing well, do not try to convince them to go off their meds. Don’t suggest that they are addicted to the medication, don’t suggest that depression is made up by the companies that make medicine just to scam people out of money, don’t suggest that they could get the same relief by exercising and meditating, don’t suggest that the person is weak because they may need to be on medication for the rest of their life.
And one more… something said to me by my own mother when I go through depression… “If you want to sit around and feel sad, that is your choice. But don’t expect us to sit around and feel sad with you.” Depression is NOT a choice! Nobody would choose that! This is like telling a person with epilepsy, “If you want to lay around having seizures, that is your choice, but please do it in the other room so it doesn’t distract us from the TV.” If it were a choice, nobody would choose it.
Yes! That’s pretty much all I can say. Depression is so hard and so hard to understand – even by the people going through it. If I could remove the feelings from my life I would but that’s not possible. Good for you for being so vulnerable!
thank you for writing about this! it is so very true that even people going through it don’t really understand it! that is one of the hardest things – trying to explain to someone else how it feels! thank you for being vulnerable & i agree 100% with these 9 things!
I know this is an old post, but I just started reading your blog, found this post, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! Thank you for sharing this! It’s so great when people can stand up and share about this, because people need to know…they need to be aware that depression is as real as any physical illness!
I saw your comment on my blog post today, and I am really enjoying reading your stuff. I am your newest follower and I cannot wait to read more!
Blessings,
Emily Anne
{http://chirpingsfromalittlesparrow.blogspot.com
hey emily anne!!
thanks for digging deep into my blog and finding this post!! it’s definitely something that’s close to my heart and i want more people to know about it. thanks for stopping by!!! <3 <3 <3 i appreciate it so much.