You know, a lot of people hate Valentine’s Day. Since I love pink, hearts and glitter… it’s a really great day for me. In fact, if I could legally change my birthday to February 14th, I would.
But I have suddenly discovered why so many people hate Valentine’s Day, and you know what helped me discover that?
National Sibling Day.Â
Because I am an only child. and I hate being an only child. and I have always hated being an only child.
There are people who claim me, who will jokingly and lovingly refer to me as their sister or part of their family… but today I had to watch as the thing I remind myself often kept showing up over and over on my newsfeed. I am not actually anybody’s sister. I get the sense that people would have a hard time choosing between siblings, but it would never be hard to choose between blood or water, no matter how red the water may be.
So today as I sat around the table with four beautiful siblings and read to the two boys and sat on the couch and read with the two girls, the dull ache and emptiness that I always carry around with me started to throb.
I have nobody.Â
This is the moment where all of my Christian friends step in and throw out “God is a father to the fatherless” and “Who is my brother?” and other Scripture bandaids, but let me for a moment point out the reality of what my life looks like.
If I outlive my parents and I continue to be too awesome to get married and something really terrible happens to me, I am not going to have anybody who feels obligated to be by my side if something happens to me. When I stood in the hospital holding my dying grandmother’s hand and watching her children and her children’s family come in and out of the room, I thought… at this rate, I’m just going to be by myself when my day comes.
National Sibling Day sucked. Royally. My heart hurt and I felt lonely and I felt so empty. Every smiling picture of someone and their sister or brother or both or many… it was like getting punched repeatedly in the same already weak spot.
April 10th is my February 14th. I’m gonna write in my calendar to stay off Facebook for the day next year, because dang. That sucked.
I have an abundance of siblings (full, step, & in-law) and even with that I can still feel alone at times. I’m so sorry your heart hurt yesterday. I really wish I could hug you right now.
<3 <3 thank you
I’m so sorry, love! I think that day is hard for a lot of reasons. I, for one, having eleven brothers and sisters, ached over the fact that so many of them (three or four) have basically disowned our family. It also hurts that one of my sisters has passed away. Let’s all swear off facebook that day together.
let’s do it. next year we will turn off facebook!
Oh, I know this feeling all too well. Although I have friends that are like family to me, it’s just not the same. My parents are older, so I tend to insist that Leo and I visit my family more than his because I have no siblings to visit them. I hate the holidays that I know they are home by themselves. I also hate the fact that my children won’t have any aunts, uncles, or cousins on my side of the family. It just makes me little heart sad. At least the day is now behind us!
yes! and it won’t catch us by surprise next year. safety in numbers.