Because you’re not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are.
This quote reminded me of a story, and I wanted to be true to the story so I had to do some research. It took an hour or so, but I found just what I was looking for! I will summarize what happened.
A girl paid $2200 for a meet-and-greet. It didn’t go as she’d hoped, and she went home and wrote a letter to John Mayer, which was saved here. John took the time to respond to her and in great detail described how the encounter went from his point of view, remembering the name of the perfume she was wearing and everything.
The whole moral of the story being that the girl held such high expectations for meeting John that she created a situation where he could not win. If she is anything like me, the minute she knew she was meeting him, she started writing the script for their conversation, imagining the attention he would give her and the experience she’d walk away with. From the moment he opened his mouth, the expectation came crashing down.
I’ve been face to face with John Mayer twice. Seriously. Here is a picture of the first time.
And that’s John talking to me.
He was sarcastic and slightly rude, but at that point I’d been around enough to know that was the best I’d get. I walked away ecstatic, because I’d talked to John Mayer. I hadn’t dreamed up any sort of conversation or expectations… it just happened, and I was happy.
Then I found out there was a picture! A picture of John Mayer, looking right at me.
It’s easy to do the whole expectation game with celebrity type people. It’s happened to my friend Ernie. I remember once when he was in town, we went and got sushi (okay he got sushi and I got curry) and he told me about how he had finally stood up for himself when this person had expected him to hang out with him when he was in town. He delivered them a big F- you, I owe you nothing.. and I was proud. Sometimes I worry that he kills himself and destroys his sanity by being so warm and friendly. People expect a lot because of it.
Anyway.
The worst part is that I do it to my friends. I hold unrealistic expectations for them. While I don’t expect them to be perfect in a general sense, I expect them to be perfect when it comes to me; knowing how to respond and what to say, when to speak up and when to stay silent. I am disappointed by their inability to not be who I’ve dreamed them to be, and so I miss out on who they actually are. Coming to friendships with expectations of what kind of person they should be is a recipe for disappointment, disaster and destroyed relationships.
My eyes need to be clear and open so I can see who my friends are in truth. I need to wipe away the slime of unrealistic expectations and fully embrace the beauty in the conflict of unpredictable friends. Easier said than done, I guess.
Even our expectations of God put a damper on our relationship with Him. If He doesn’t deliver what we want, when we want it, how we want it, we are disappointed and think God doesn’t care, or doesn’t listen, or… So, yes, I agree – our expectations need to be stripped away so we can allow people, and God, be who they are intended to be. I think we also have to be careful of our expectations of ourself, too – I simply need to be me, whether that is what the person next to me wants from me or not… Anyway, just thought I would put my thoughts down… ~Hilary