“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.” – Isaiah 55:8
In the Summer of 2007, the Lord gave me a plan. It was to stick through another (school)year of my job, quit to work as a counselor in the summer, and trust Him with the fall. Even though I thought it was a terrible plan for so many reasons, I agreed.
Immediately, I was tested. Things at work changed and I wanted to quit my job. God gave me the strength to perservere. It came time for the camp part of it. I applied and was offered positions other than counselor. God gave me the focus to turn them down and stick with the counselor position. Then the fall came in which the Lord tested my willingness to trust Him and go wherever he sent me. So I did, willing to leave much behind. Then he blessed me by allowing me to stay.
He gave me my old job back, he blessed me with fellowship and community, and I was settled in. After prayer, he gave me the opportunity to join back in ministry at my corps.
Today, everything has been turned upside down. We had a meeting at work and found out that our company is moving 30 miles away.. in a week and a half. Because we are a small company and they value us, we are given a lot of flexibility in our hours and what we want to do. Which is a blessing. But deep within my soul, I feel that this is not permanent. Deep within my soul, this is stirring something in me that says “this is not the place that I need to be.”
But where, then? The Lord’s plan only got me so far. I have trusted; I am trusting. It is hard to want to see the fruits of my faithfulness. A few times I’ve thought that I have, but it has not actually been anything lasting.
There is not an ounce of me that is angry with the Lord. I love my Lord very deeply and while I believe it is healthy and intimate to express my anger with Him.. there is none of that. There is a bit of frustration.. but mostly at my being here and His being in Heaven. So I need prayer not for understanding, not for the situation.. but just for the Lord’s guidance.
Wherever the Lord sends me, I will go. I just need to know where. Knowing that when all is said and done, I will be with the Lord makes everything else pale in comparison. At least I know the final destination.
A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the stars
I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I leave it all behind to each for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore