My mom packs my lunch. I’m not ashamed to admit that. I am 23 years old, and my mom still packs my lunch.Sometimes she even brings me dinner when I am home. Yesterday she brought me a bowl of macaroni casserole, and she gave me a spoon to eat it with. “Mom” I replied, “this is something you eat with a fork.”
So this afternoon when I anxiously peered into the Starbucks bag holding my lunch, I was a bit annoyed to find a plastic spoon accompanying my leftovers from yesterday’s casserole. Maybe my mom always eats that casserole with a spoon. I always eat it with a fork.
How do you figure out when to use a fork and when to use a spoon? What are some things that DEFINITELY deserve a fork and some things that DEFINITELY deserve a spoon? Aside from soup, because logically a spoon is the only option.. unless you are avoiding the broth.
FORGIVENESS, REAL. Real forgiveness means looking steadily at the sin, the sin that is left over without any excuse, after all allowances have been made, and seeing it in all its horror, dirt, meanness, and malice, and nevertheless being wholly reconciled to the man who has done it. That, and only that, is forgiveness, and that we can always have from God if we ask for it. ~ C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
That CS Lewis.. he’s so wise. In that book he also talks about the difference between forgiving and excusing. We tend to ask God for an excusal.. as in “I had no choice! I am not to blame!” instead of “I did it. Accept me still.”
Right now I am frustrated. At first I was angry and the more I’ve really focused my heart on the Lord I’ve just turned frustrated. There’s not much more elaborating that can be done without indulging in my frustration. All I know is that I’m doing a lot of thinking and inviting the Lord to be present in a lot of those thoughts. All, actually. All of those thoughts.
Mike Yaconelli writes in Messy Spirituality that perhaps prayer is not just stopping and folding our hands and bowing our heads and reciting “Heavenly Father…” but perhaps it is just thinking to him. Sounds simple enough. But for the past 40 minutes I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about Christ and his personality and how he handled conflicts. That’s prayer. If anything, that is the listening aspect of prayer. Sometimes I get frustrated that I don’t find myself on my knees often enough, but I know that God is close to me when I am thinking towards him. That’s what I will call this other prayer. “Thinking towards.”
In honor of my friend Cassie’s birthday we all got desert and went bowling. I’m so glad to have friends like these.
JP, Abbie & Cassie.. caught off guard.
Cassie & Abbie
This is a bit frightening.
Cassie & Corey
The boys. Don't they look exciting?
Me, Cassie & Chrissy
I’m going to go think towards God for a little bit.
Went to the dentist. They gave me a piece of paper with the work that needs to be done, in order of imporance. Total cost? $8,000. Yikes. Next week I’m going in for the first and most extensive of the whole thing. Awful awful awful. It spoiled my mood for awhile.. church started out a bit rocky.
Bram, Elias and I had fun.. we always do. Bramwell (who is 3) kept turning off the lights while Elias was trying to do his homework. Elias got frustrated. their mom was a bit frustrated. I was a little frustrated. Tonight as I was driving home, I got a phone call from their house. This is what happened once I answered..
voice: hi Stephanie.
voice: this is Bram.
me: nu uh.
me: oh… hi.
Bram: sorry that I kept turning off the lights.
Bram: and Elias couldn’t do his homework
me: oh, are you apologizing for turning off the lights today?
me: it’s okay. thanks for apologizing. I forgive you.
Bram: ok. I love you. bye Stephanie.
He then tried to tell his dad that Chloe, their dog, wanted to talk to me on the phone, too. PRECIOUS.
One of the most frustrating things in life is clutter. Clutter of the mind, clutter of the drawer.. and most prominent, clutter of the bathroom counter. I was pretty sure that my bathroom counter clutter was under control until I was babysitting and used their bathroom and realized that they owned something that would even further reduce my counter clutter.
Tonight I went and bought my own.
Now I’m ridiculously excited to wake up and be greeted with a clutterless bathroom counter. AWESOME.
Tonight I was reading about the fire in San Andres, Philippines. It took me back to the Philippines and how driving past those little shanti villages, my heart would break and my eyes would fill with tears. I thought, then, about the little kids who would run up to me, assuming that as a white person I was well off and would buy necklaces from them. So I would buy necklaces. The more necklaces I bought, the more kids brought them to me. I ran out of money before I bought them all. It broke my heart.
As I was thinking about this my heart began to burn with injustice and the frustration of nothing being done about this. To be honest, my frustration should be pointed at myself. Frequently I will think of small things to do that would make a huge difference but think “That is so small it won’t matter if I don’t do it” and so I irresponsibly go on with life as I know it.
There are so many tiny changes.. “sacrifices” as we like to extravagently call them.. that could save lives. I don’t do these things because I’m too comfortable where I am and don’t feel my contribution is necessary.
You must be the change you want to see in the world. I must be the change I want to see in the world.