Okay, but why not?

whynot
At the end of July I wrote this post about being a coward and disguising it as Christian living. Let me continue to be real with you and tell you that the thing I struggle with every single day is this:

I love Nashville, Tennessee.
and I could move there.
Not just like “yeah I could move there and then figure things out.”
Like… I could move there, with a job, and live with the people I spend all my money and vacation time to go visit.

and basically for the entire week and a half I was in Nashville it kept coming up. and in the quiet of the Halter’s guest room I would lay in bed, excited to wake up and spend the day doing absolutely nothing with my favorite twin girls, and I’d think “okay, but why not?” Why not take people up on their offers and get in my car and drive across the country to a city I can’t get enough of, with people I miss sitting across from them, knowing that they will only be occasional fixtures in my life. Okay, but why not?

It’s both a very hypothetical and a very real why not, because I know why. I have reasons. Like the ministry I have at my church. All of the waterfalls in the northwest that I haven’t seen. Camp Arnold and my favorite little gingers. There are plenty of reasons, which is where the “Okay, but…” part of it comes in. All valid reasons to stay. All understandable hesitations. Okay, but why not?

We only have one life to live, and from what I’ve heard, when our life is running out, we regret more the things we didn’t do than the things we did. We can clean up after messy choices, but we can’t really re-open doors that have closed before we went through.

I don’t want to live my life shrugging and saying “IDK” after someone asks “okay, but why not?” I really do say IDK in real life, it’s something I’m working on. But anyway, I don’t want to live in ruts and well worn paths for no real reason except that I want to live comfortably.

“Okay, but why not?” is a valid question to ask, because sometimes our why not’s are big deals. Knowing what is keeping us from something is just as important as knowing what is pulling us towards it, because that’s the part of us that keeps us safe. It’s when that safety is hiding fear, anxiety, the desire to succeed and impress, that we need to evaluate where we put our self-worth.

So now you know the question I’m forcing myself to answer honestly and openly over the next few months. I need to decide this soon, because if I’m not going to move to Nashville then I’m going to continue to buy plane tickets for three days there. If I am going to move to Nashville, then those few hundred dollar trips need to go into my savings to make this thing come to life.

Pray for me as I wrestle with the why not’s.

 

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