The other night I was at Lorrie’s house. I wanted to talk with her because I KNEW she would understand where I was at – how and why I was hurting and how and why I was feeling a tension about throwing up the middle fingers of my heart and moving on.
She graciously let me sit on her couch until past midnight and then she prayed for me before I left. While she was praying, something she said stuck out to me.
Lorrie said “God, you know the whole story from the beginning to the end.” and in my heart I added “and you love all the characters, the protagonist AND the antagonist.”
As of today I haven’t said anything unkind about him and I refuse to do so here on my blog, but I have to be honest in saying this: I have never in my life been so mistreated by someone who I thought would be careful with me regardless of how things ended up. We started things as friends and all I ever wanted was to protect our friendship. The wound that has been created is deep and painful and I sometimes feel as if my whole being is in a state of shock that someone I trusted could be so unbearably cold towards me. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
This morning it all stormed inside of me and I cried out to God that I was so tired of hurting. It’s exhausting! Who knew that having someone be mean to you could make you so tired!?
I remembered what Lorrie prayed. God knows the whole story from beginning to end. He also knows whatever is happening in my story’s antagonist; the antagonist of my story is the protagonist of his own story. The same God who is at work in my story, redeeming all of my broken parts, is at work in the other story. He knows where both stories lead, and he is Lord over all of it.
Speaking of redeeming broken parts.
The following year, those adventure shoes took me on hikes (like Beacon Rock and Mirror Lake) that brought me closer to the boy that is currently weighing heavy in my heart. But I didn’t know that at the time. When I bought a pair of Teva’s at Fred Meyer on July 04, 2013 I had no clue how important they would be in upcoming chapters of my life. When a newly opened coffee stand followed me on Twitter on April 25, 2014 I had no idea what buying that honey lavender latte would start.
Now as I lay here in the quiet of the night reflecting on the ebb and flow of my life so far, I trust that there are pieces of my life that have the power to become pivotal moments in my future. God knows all of them. He knows every character that will come in and out of my life for a chapter or two, and he is God of their stories – wherever they’re at now and wherever they’ll go when they exit mine.
I don’t know what is coming up in the future chapters of my life, but I know that my God always moves me to the land of bigger or better, so when it comes.. I’m anticipating one heck of a plot twist with all these fragmented parts.
In an earlier post I shared one of the songs I’ve been clinging to in this current season. There’s a part of the song that seems especially relevant in the light of what Lorrie prayed for me.
“I cannot see in the night that lies before me
But I hold the hand that made the stars.”
I’m in His hands.
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