The first “not enough.”

These days, I don’t feel like I’m ________ enough. Insert whatever word of your choice and it will probably apply.

When people don’t call me
When people don’t invite me places
When people don’t send me letters I know they’ve written
When people don’t like my stories
When people don’t jump on board my ideas,

I don’t feel ________ enough.

That’s where I live now. I live in Apt 307; Notenough, CA.

Last Thursday I went to a Bible Study lead by Rob Birks in San Francisco. I don’t remember the context of what I’m about to write, just that I remember it. At some point Rob talked about how Jesus alone can save us. He said that he loves his wife very much {and he does. I do too.} and that she is wonderful and all of these great things.. but she cannot save him. She cannot offer him eternal life and salvation. and he warned us about looking for that in relationships. Not just romantic ones, but in any-ones.

and that’s hit me, especially in the midst of my season of not-enough. Did you see my list of reasons why I don’t feel like I’m enough? It’s “when people” don’t see me as enough.

But God says I am enough. He said I was enough back before I knew him and loved him, because the Word says that while I was still a sinner Jesus Christ died for me.

The second “not enough.”

When I get to this “I am not enough” place, what I really am in reality saying is “God, you are not enough.” After hearing the great things he’s done for me, the promises he’s made me, the place in heaven he’s prepared for me… I still need more. It is not enough for me to know that God delights in me; I want people to laugh at my jokes, too. It is not enough that Christ died for me; I want people to send me random greeting cards, too. I need people to love me and to want me, and God’s love and want for me doesn’t satisfy.

All day I’ve been thinking about that.

Am I content with just myself and God? Today I finished reading Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love and was touched so much by this:

“Have you ever met someone who was utterly and desperately in love with Jesus? I have. My wife’s grandma Clara.

I spoke recently at Grandma Clara’s funeral, and I could honestly tell the mourners gathered that I had never known anyone more excited to see Jesus. Every morning Clara would kneel by her bed and spend precious hours with her Savior and Lover; later in the day, just the sight of that corner of her bed would bring joy-filled tears and a deep anticipation of the next morning spent kneeling in His presence.”

I want that. I want Him to be enough.

and I want to be enough. and I know the two go hand in hand – in order for me to satisfy my enoughness, I must submit myself to His.

It is easy for me to say “God loves me,” because the Bible says over and over again that God is love and God loved the world and so on and so forth. But today I’m choosing to believe from here on out that God also likes me. I bring him joy and he enjoys His time with me, even when I don’t feel I can bring him enough.

What’s that one saying?

When I am weak, He is strong.

When I am not enough, He is.

{lyrics: Chris Tomlin, Enough.}



  1. beccalynn7
    March 31, 2011 / 6:20 am

    Wow, I have a lot of words that I use to fill in that blank.

    Thank you for the that reminder that He is enough…I pray that one of these days, sooner or later, I will really get it.

    • April 1, 2011 / 1:27 pm

      i pray that too, that we really get it. at this point, i’ll even just take glimpses. 🙂

  2. March 31, 2011 / 12:27 pm

    I love that you used the Chris Tomlin song Enough at the end! That was perfect! Stephanie thank you so much for the encouragement! That is exactly what I want to do and be like in my time of singleness! If you don’t mind I would love to be reminded of that every once in awhile… You know how life just gets to you and everything you wanted to do once seems like you can never make it happen? Well your comments are really encouraging to me, and I am really thankful for them! So thank you! And I don’t even know you and I already think you are wonderful so again YOU ARE ENOUGH! 🙂 God Bless!

    • April 1, 2011 / 1:28 pm

      dearest natalie, i will be reminding you frequently.. reminding you helps remind me. 🙂

      • April 4, 2011 / 3:08 am

        Thank you so very much! xoxo

  3. March 31, 2011 / 2:06 pm

    Girl! This is an awesome, amazing, breakthrough post, and I love it. I often feel exactly how you feel… I think most people do unless they’re so confident that they’re verging on arrogant, which has a whole different set of issues. I love that you connected not feeling like you’re enough to saying God is not enough, because it’s a way of thinking that I hadn’t really thought before. (Thinking I hadn’t thought? That’s confusing, haha.)

  4. March 31, 2011 / 3:47 pm

    I’m pretty sure we could be best friends!!
    Love this post, and the keychain one.
    Thanks for sharing your heart! Crazy Love is on my to read list!!

    • April 1, 2011 / 1:29 pm

      yeahhhh!! you’ll have to tell me what you think of crazy love! 🙂

  5. Sandra Long
    December 3, 2012 / 4:33 pm

    I see some people commented on your blog two years ago. I left a comment on another of your blogs, so I hope you get to read them. I used to attend church regularly. I seldom attend church anymore and am not always sure of what I believe. I think that what really religious people whose beliefs enhance their lives and give it meaning and are happy are really on the right track. But I don’t believe that God is somewhere up in Heaven and separate from us. I believe that we all have God in us and are a part of God. When we don’t feel like we are in touch with God or when we don’t feel good about ourselves, it isn’t because God has deserted you or you have committed some sin. It’s because of some emotional or mental distress or false beliefs about yourself or God are your focus.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *