For one whole year, I’ve been holding hands with Justen Martian. It’s crazy how it feels like it was both yesterday and a lifetime ago. It all happened so quickly – we never had a “DTR” or a conversation about what was going on. We got coffee and as we walked to dinner we held hands, and that was that.
Having been single for so long, I feel like I went into our relationship with so many words of advice or people’s stories in my head and I had to sort it all out on my own. These are the things I’ve learned in the past year with Justen:
- Not everyone fights.
A few people had told us they were excited for us to have our first fight, but to this day we still haven’t had one. It’s not that we don’t disagree, but we’ve never let it escalate to a fight.
- Advice doesn’t apply to everyone.
Every relationship is completely unique, and while people may have really great intentions for their advice, sometimes it’s not helpful because it doesn’t apply to your relationship. There is no right or wrong, it just is.
- Being completely open is awesome.
I’ve read about the anxiety of talking about finances with someone you’re dating, and I’ve heard about having to have “hard conversations.” Initially I told Justen we should have a monthly dinner where we could address any and everything that was on our hearts, stuff that was maybe hard but never found the context of a conversation. We did that for three or so months and we realized that we had nothing left over to talk about that meal, because our relationship is a safe place to be open about whatever we’re feeling at any given moment. I’m so grateful for that.
- A sigh of relief is better than butterflies.
Justen’s never given me a flurry of butterflies and made me feel giddy, but when he shows up at my house or I walk into a coffeeshop and see him sitting there, my whole being lets out a huge sigh of relief because I feel more complete when I’m with him. I’d rather have that than the flighty feeling of butterflies.
Here’s to another year of mochas, Disneyland, road trips, late night conversations, chips + salsa, Bachelor Mondays, and hugs. I’m a much better person because of everything that’s happened the past 365 days with Justen Martian by my side. I can’t wait to see what the next year (and beyond) holds for us. <3
On to year two. <3