Remember that rhyme you were taught to remember how many days were in each month…? Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have thirty-one.

That rhyme is a LIE, because September seems to have infinity days at this point and we’re only in the first week.

All year I kept dreaming about September and thinking about September and how life would look different at the end of it, but as September approached I realized something. There’s a really good chance I’ll go through ALL OF SEPTEMBER and not have this baby. The average date of birth for a first time mom is 41 weeks and 1 day. That puts us into OCTOBER.

There is literally nothing wrong with October except that it’s not September, the month I’ve been holding out for ALL YEAR LONG. Neat.

This week began our weekly appointments. We had a growth scan where they said she’s 6.4 pounds, in the 64th percentile, and she has hair. We also had a non-stress test which was literally the coolest thing ever. If we had one of those machines I’d spend all day attached to it. Our midwives appointment included the group b strep test WHICH WASN’T AS BAD AS THE INTERNET MADE IT SOUND. I won’t be asking for it on the regular, but it just wasn’t as bad as I’d read it was. They gave us this picture of her face. She’s been hanging out pretty low so this was the best he could give us.

Week 36 was also the week in which people began throwing around the word “induction.” It’s been a heavier thought than I would have imagined. Welcoming any and all stories (not opinions, I’m done with opinions, I just want stories) about induction or choosing not to induce.

My father in law came over and set up a little rod in our bedroom so we’d have a place to hang up some of her clothes. It was SO EXCITING to hang up her little outfits and jackets. The onesies and such are all still rolled in their fabric bins. These are the fancy outfits. So fancy that I literally steamed them to get out as many of the wrinkles as I can. Let me enjoy my time while I have it.

Baby Martian // Week 35
Baby Martian // Week 34
Baby Martian // Week 33
Baby Martian // Week 32
Baby Martian // Week 31
Baby Martian // Week 30
Baby Martian // Week 29
Baby Martian // Week 28
Baby Martian // Week 23
Baby Martian // Week 22
Baby Martian // Week 20

The amount of time I spend worrying about delivering this baby is slowly and steadily increasing. Every time I go to roll over and feel some random form of sharp pain in some random place I didn’t even realize existed, I think “THIS BUT WORSE” and then lay in bed, eyes wide open, in sheer terror of something that is coming…. and I don’t know when.

I’m trying not to stress too much. As Hagrid said..

no point in worrying too much about things so out of my control I can’t even DO anything about them.

and so we wait.

(I forgot our little letter board when we went out of town. God bless the app store)

My appetite has returned, and I find that I am hungry around 10 am and 4 pm. A snack or two in-between, but those are the two times when I need to eat or else I feel like exploding.

Despite the hot temperatures, I’ve had no swelling (maybe because I am CONSTANTLY THIRSTY AND DRINK SO MUCH WATER) which has been exciting.

Also… tell me if this is weird… but I’ve NEVER spoken to my stomach. I watched a video about how talking to your baby while it’s still inside of you can help with brain development, but I’m like… yeah I can’t do that. I’ve said “PLEASE STOP MOVING!” but kind of to nobody in particular.  oh and I don’t refer to her by name (she’s still “the baby” even more than she is “her” or “she”). Anybody else? It just feels really abnormal and awkward to do.

We’re almost exactly a month to her estimated due date. I think I’ll be okay until we hit September 30th. If we hit September 30th and she’s not here, my morale is tanking. So until then, I’m trying to stay positive, not stress, and enjoy PUMPKIN SPICE SEASON CAN I GET AN AMEN.

Baby Martian // Week 34
Baby Martian // Week 33
Baby Martian // Week 32
Baby Martian // Week 31
Baby Martian // Week 30
Baby Martian // Week 29
Baby Martian // Week 28
Baby Martian // Week 23
Baby Martian // Week 22
Baby Martian // Week 20

The other day, I was working on my computer and I felt the tiny human inside of me start squirming and moving and it was uncomfortable and I thought… I wonder if it’s 9 am.

It was 8:58.

Because between 9 am – 9:20, she is NON. STOP. MOVING.

and listen, I’m not complaining AT ALL, especially in light of this week’s Rainbow Baby Day. I’m still constantly waiting for the bad news to hit about this pregnancy. I’ve watched my friends and wept up prayers while they’ve struggled with infertility, experienced miscarriages and heartbreaking loss.

I don’t know why God has allowed us to have an easy and stress-free pregnancy, but here we still are and I will be so grateful for every squirm, every punch in the rib, every pause on the staircase walking up to our apartment.

and I will think of my dear friend Donna, who would have given anything to experience any of this. I’ll ponder the miracle that was a poppy seed when we first learned of it and is now a lion cub. I will hold close the fragility of life both tucked inside of me and walking around passing me on the street. That any of us started as poppy seeds and grew into crystal balls and then lion cubs and now walking, breathing, existing human beings.

Week 34. 6 weeks until due date.

We’ve had all of our showers, celebrated with all of our friends and family. I’ve sat, grateful for friends new and old (and some I met as they handed me a gift), overwhelmed by the kindness and love we’ve received in the form of hugs, texts, messages, prayers, gifts, and presence.

My appetite is still small, my lower back hurts 80% of the time. Next week is our appointment with one of our two new midwives, and also marks the beginning of our weekly appointments. We’ve almost finished packing our hospital bags, we have our diaper bags ready to go, and I spend at least 10 minutes a day wondering if I’m really going to be able to get a baby out of a small orifice in my body.

Our pastor’s son included this little note in the gift his mom gave us at our church shower, and it made me so happy we taped it to the wall because it accurately describes how I’m feeling 99% of the time:

ps at our church shower we did this baby shower word scramble. Neither Justen nor I got the word Desitin, but it turns out Justen didn’t get it because HE HAS NEVER HEARD OF IT. He saw it on the changing pad and was like, “oh! Desitin!” lol.

Also look at that little stack of baby jackets. I am losing my mind over them. They’re so tiny and small.

I’ll leave you with this. Sometimes I don’t think my body has changed that much, and then I started comparing pictures. Also look at how I couldn’t even pretend during week 28, that’s my favorite. There’s actually a better picture but I realized it too late so you get that mopey one instead, sorry 🙂

Baby Martian // Week 33
Baby Martian // Week 32
Baby Martian // Week 31
Baby Martian // Week 30
Baby Martian // Week 29
Baby Martian // Week 28
Baby Martian // Week 23
Baby Martian // Week 22
Baby Martian // Week 20

There’s this song I’ve known and loved for like 16 years, called “What’ll She Look Like,” by this band called Stephen Speaks.

and ON THE DAILY, I get that song stuck in my head for very obvious reasons.

Will she be soft, will she be strong
Will she be ready to be wrong
Will she move too fast or wait too long
Will she look me in the eyes
What’ll she look like?

every time she gets really bad hiccups or squirms, I think of that song.

Who. the. heck. are. you., baby.?

What color is your hair? (I think blonde because Justen and I both started with light hair that got darker when we got older)
What color are your eyes? (blue like Justen’s?)
Do you have any birth marks? (I have a super weird one)
Is your nose as big as it looked in that one ultrasound? (I really hope not but that’s more for you than me)

It’s bizarre to feel another human being inside of me – someone I don’t know and have never actually met.

I was telling my aunt the other day that this year has ZOOMED by, but August has been the slowest month of my life… oh except September will probably be so much worse.

We had our last appointment with our current midwife. She said everything is great, the baby’s growth ultrasound, the size my uterus was measuring (lol what that’s such a weird sentence), my weight gain, etc. When I told her about my frequent heartburn she smiled and nodded because I guess it’s normal. I’m not a fan of heartburn at all. I’ve never had it until this and it sucks, fyi.

I just can’t wait to meet her.

Baby Martian // Week 32
Baby Martian // Week 31
Baby Martian // Week 30
Baby Martian // Week 29
Baby Martian // Week 28
Baby Martian // Week 23
Baby Martian // Week 22
Baby Martian // Week 20