The other day, I was working on my computer and I felt the tiny human inside of me start squirming and moving and it was uncomfortable and I thought… I wonder if it’s 9 am.
It was 8:58.
Because between 9 am – 9:20, she is NON. STOP. MOVING.
and listen, I’m not complaining AT ALL, especially in light of this week’s Rainbow Baby Day. I’m still constantly waiting for the bad news to hit about this pregnancy. I’ve watched my friends and wept up prayers while they’ve struggled with infertility, experienced miscarriages and heartbreaking loss.
I don’t know why God has allowed us to have an easy and stress-free pregnancy, but here we still are and I will be so grateful for every squirm, every punch in the rib, every pause on the staircase walking up to our apartment.
and I will think of my dear friend Donna, who would have given anything to experience any of this. I’ll ponder the miracle that was a poppy seed when we first learned of it and is now a lion cub. I will hold close the fragility of life both tucked inside of me and walking around passing me on the street. That any of us started as poppy seeds and grew into crystal balls and then lion cubs and now walking, breathing, existing human beings.
Week 34. 6 weeks until due date.
We’ve had all of our showers, celebrated with all of our friends and family. I’ve sat, grateful for friends new and old (and some I met as they handed me a gift), overwhelmed by the kindness and love we’ve received in the form of hugs, texts, messages, prayers, gifts, and presence.
My appetite is still small, my lower back hurts 80% of the time. Next week is our appointment with one of our two new midwives, and also marks the beginning of our weekly appointments. We’ve almost finished packing our hospital bags, we have our diaper bags ready to go, and I spend at least 10 minutes a day wondering if I’m really going to be able to get a baby out of a small orifice in my body.
Our pastor’s son included this little note in the gift his mom gave us at our church shower, and it made me so happy we taped it to the wall because it accurately describes how I’m feeling 99% of the time:
ps at our church shower we did this baby shower word scramble. Neither Justen nor I got the word Desitin, but it turns out Justen didn’t get it because HE HAS NEVER HEARD OF IT. He saw it on the changing pad and was like, “oh! Desitin!” lol.
Also look at that little stack of baby jackets. I am losing my mind over them. They’re so tiny and small.
I’ll leave you with this. Sometimes I don’t think my body has changed that much, and then I started comparing pictures. Also look at how I couldn’t even pretend during week 28, that’s my favorite. There’s actually a better picture but I realized it too late so you get that mopey one instead, sorry 🙂
Baby Martian // Week 33
Baby Martian // Week 32
Baby Martian // Week 31
Baby Martian // Week 30
Baby Martian // Week 29
Baby Martian // Week 28
Baby Martian // Week 23
Baby Martian // Week 22
Baby Martian // Week 20