August?

How in the world is it August already? Why do I literally always start ALL of my blog posts freaking wondering why and how it got to be whatever day/month it is?

Awhile ago we were going through the stuff I’d left in my mom’s garage, getting ready for a garage sale, when I found a letter from September 2014 that I’d addressed to myself to be read in September 2015.

I read it and felt a sinking feeling in my heart. It was encouraging myself to keep on keeping on with stuff I’d turned around in my life: emotions, managing my weight, paying off my debt and working on my blog.

It was like reading a list of all the ways I’ve failed. emotions, weight, debt, this blog.

So I cried about that, because ugh. There’s nobody to blame but myself. All of those unaddressed issues in my life leave me feeling pretty worthless as a person.

Having literally ALL DAY to be in charge of my seconds, minutes and hours makes all of that even worse. I COULD be being more intentional about caring for myself, I COULD be taking time to eat better and/or exercise, I COULD be way more diligent with my finances and I COULD spend time at my computer writing blog posts.

and yet…

I do all the other easy things.

I honestly feel like there’s a weird switch that’s been flipped in my being where I just can’t seem to make the best decisions for myself. and I keep thinking “well if only ________,” but that thing never happens or matters or anything.

It’s rough.

I love and miss you little corner of the internet. Thanks for always being here.

Share: