August?

How in the world is it August already? Why do I literally always start ALL of my blog posts freaking wondering why and how it got to be whatever day/month it is?

Awhile ago we were going through the stuff I’d left in my mom’s garage, getting ready for a garage sale, when I found a letter from September 2014 that I’d addressed to myself to be read in September 2015.

I read it and felt a sinking feeling in my heart. It was encouraging myself to keep on keeping on with stuff I’d turned around in my life: emotions, managing my weight, paying off my debt and working on my blog.

It was like reading a list of all the ways I’ve failed. emotions, weight, debt, this blog.

So I cried about that, because ugh. There’s nobody to blame but myself. All of those unaddressed issues in my life leave me feeling pretty worthless as a person.

Having literally ALL DAY to be in charge of my seconds, minutes and hours makes all of that even worse. I COULD be being more intentional about caring for myself, I COULD be taking time to eat better and/or exercise, I COULD be way more diligent with my finances and I COULD spend time at my computer writing blog posts.

and yet…

I do all the other easy things.

I honestly feel like there’s a weird switch that’s been flipped in my being where I just can’t seem to make the best decisions for myself. and I keep thinking “well if only ________,” but that thing never happens or matters or anything.

It’s rough.

I love and miss you little corner of the internet. Thanks for always being here.

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1 Comment

  1. November 11, 2018 / 11:45 am

    I’ve been there. Sometimes I think about the time I’ve spent scrolling social media or watching TV and it makes me feel sick. If I put even half of that time towards exercise/blogging/insert other activity here, how much of an impact could I have made in those areas of my life? I recently read Rachel Hollis’ book (like almost everyone else in the world) and while some of it didn’t apply to me, she really got me thinking about some areas of my life and changes I could make!

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