For one whole year, I’ve been holding hands with Justen Martian. It’s crazy how it feels like it was both yesterday and a lifetime ago. It all happened so quickly – we never had a “DTR” or a conversation about what was going on. We got coffee and as we walked to dinner we held hands, and that was that.
Having been single for so long, I feel like I went into our relationship with so many words of advice or people’s stories in my head and I had to sort it all out on my own. These are the things I’ve learned in the past year with Justen:
- Not everyone fights.
A few people had told us they were excited for us to have our first fight, but to this day we still haven’t had one. It’s not that we don’t disagree, but we’ve never let it escalate to a fight. - Advice doesn’t apply to everyone.
Every relationship is completely unique, and while people may have really great intentions for their advice, sometimes it’s not helpful because it doesn’t apply to your relationship. There is no right or wrong, it just is. - Being completely open is awesome.Â
I’ve read about the anxiety of talking about finances with someone you’re dating, and I’ve heard about having to have “hard conversations.” Â Initially I told Justen we should have a monthly dinner where we could address any and everything that was on our hearts, stuff that was maybe hard but never found the context of a conversation. We did that for three or so months and we realized that we had nothing left over to talk about that meal, because our relationship is a safe place to be open about whatever we’re feeling at any given moment. I’m so grateful for that. - A sigh of relief is better than butterflies.
Justen’s never given me a flurry of butterflies and made me feel giddy, but when he shows up at my house or I walk into a coffeeshop and see him sitting there, my whole being lets out a huge sigh of relief because I feel more complete when I’m with him. I’d rather have that than the flighty feeling of butterflies.
Here’s to another year of mochas, Disneyland, road trips, late night conversations, chips + salsa, Bachelor Mondays, and hugs. I’m a much better person because of everything that’s happened the past 365 days with Justen Martian by my side. I can’t wait to see what the next year (and beyond) holds for us. <3
On to year two. <3
Happy 1 year! I love that ‘a sigh of relief is better than butterflies’, I’ve never thought about that but it’s so true! Wishing you many more days, months and years of happiness!
yay!!! thank you so much <3 <3 <3 i used to want butterflies until i started feeling this peace and relief in my bones when i see justen. then i realized that there was something i wanted even more than that. 😀
YAY! Happy one year! 🙂
<3 thank you sweet girl!
Girl, I’ve been with my fiance for almost 6 years and we’ve never had a fight. Like you said, we disagree but don’t let it get to a fight. People still tell us that’s weird, but if it’s weird then I’d rather be weird then fighting all the time. Congrats girl! Happy One Year!
let’s start the non-fight club! haha. when other people fight all the time it stresses me out to the MAX, so i’m glad there are other weirdos like us out there ;D
Happy anniversary!!! We don’t really fight either. There are certain things we will have a disagreement about, but I do the opposite of the advice “Never go to bed angry” and that usually fixes it. We usually get stressed out and impatient when we’re overtired and overwhelmed and honestly, sometimes a good night’s sleep does wonders. Things are usually totally different in the morning!! Have a WONDERFUL year 2!!!!
half the time i start crap just because i’m tired or hungry hahaha. i think there’s like extreme anger, that you can’t function or see straight because of your hurt or anger or whatever, and i think that’s different because it’s not like just being annoyed or whatever. what do you think?
This is so great! Over the past two years, Joey and I have had a couple of conflicts, and one incident that he calls a fight (I would call a couple prior conflicts a fight but he says they don’t count). With open communication, I’ve learned that our relationship is so much easier than any of my prior ones! And comfort lasts wayyy longer than butterflies.
yes! comfort! i love that, that’s another great word for it. i wonder if we’re kind of taught to be unhappy and bracing for fighting and stuff. a lot of people have told me that in marriage i’d need to learn the art of fighting fair, and now i’m like… wait, why? idk. maybe different strokes.
All the heart eyes for the two of you! <3<3<3<3
woohoo! what a fun way to capture year one! it’s so cool to look back and realize just how MUCH has happened all in 365 days!