It’s October. One month ago, if you had asked me what I was doing in October I would have said, “same old, same old… maybe with a little more pumpkin spice than usual.” I had no idea that within a month, my life would just look all kinds of different.
I don’t even know where to begin, how to process, what to say.
On Friday, September 9th, I was having “one of those days.” I called Susannah to lament. We were talking about things, and I said to her “I don’t think I have enough faith,” to do something I felt I needed to do.
Twentyish seconds after I hung the phone up, I knew exactly what I needed to do. If I look beyond where I’m at and say the only reason I can’t go there is because I don’t have enough faith… I should absolutely head to that place and let my faith grow into it.
The following Sunday, I was in a car accident. I’m safe. The kids in the car were safe. My car kept us safe but was totaled in the process. My beloved little Prius, the car I’ve been dreaming of paying off… but also my greatest weight, as I have been chained to $400/month car payments.
I got a new (to me) car. Another Prius, because this accident only affirmed to me that I love the Prius family. Side note, can I name my child Prius? This new Prius is a super cute color. 1 year older but 10,000 miles lower. Covered by a 7-year-extended warranty (which my old one wasn’t) and $130/month less.
(L is my new Prius, R is what my Old Prius looked like the first time I saw it)
I spent two weeks dealing with headaches/backaches/sleepless nights. Three trips to Urgent Care, one Occupational Health appointment later, and I found myself back at work…
where I submitted my resignation letter.
When I’d first decided to move into that grow-my-faith space, I had one day a week nannying and no clue what else I would do. A few days later I was talking to someone at LifePoint, Justen’s church, about a job. I week later I’d accepted it.
Which meant I was leaving the church I’ve been a part of for 5 years, and the denomination I’ve been a part of since I was 6. That’s been weird. Yesterday I was able to cry with and hug people I have grown to love so much. I was able to say “see you later,” and become part of The Ghost of Moore Street Past (we have a lot of people who have moved on but still come back to visit).
Today is an in-between day. I’m sitting at Thatcher’s Coffee with Justen, where they’re playing acoustic Death Cab for Cutie and Modest Mouse, and I have this pile of words from the church family who has embraced me. I know tomorrow I’ll begin learning my way around a new church and I’ll continue learning to embrace and be embraced by a new family. But for today, my heart is full of treasures and memories and hopes.
Here’s to the crisp newness of fall and the changing of seasons. May God show you glimpses of spaces that are too big for your faith and may he give you the courage to walk into those places.