Make new friends.

I don’t care how old I am, meeting new people always turns me into an insecure 12-year-old girl. Am I dressed okay? Will there be anyone there my age, and if so… will they like me? What questions do I ask people about themselves, and is it possible to be too friendly?

Last Thursday I went to the women’s ministry at my church for the first time. I was so incredibly overwhelmed and SCARED. What if nobody liked me or wanted to talk to me or anything?

making friends is scary // stephanieorefice.net

So naturally I did the most social thing I could have EVER done. I drew a smiley face on my name tag to let people know I was friendly… then I walked in the room and picked the seat farthest away from anyone else, pulled out my journal and began writing. I didn’t look up until someone went on stage and started talking.

In our folders were these registration papers. We were supposed to fill them out about ourselves. So I did it.. in a pink pen. and then that wasn’t enough, so I went ahead and took my gold pen and added polka dots. Then I added flowers. and I considered asking for a new registration form because I remembered I am a GROWN UP…. and I panicked. I really panicked and wondered if I would ever be able to make friends outside of bloggers who appreciate pink and gold.

As soon as I finished my form, I found the leader and shoved it in her hands and ran out. Because I was really that nervous and scared and pretty sure I was never going to make friends. I knew, though, that I’d rather offer myself completely and truthfully and not make friends than to offer up an edited, guarded version of myself and make no friends that way.

But that night I got a friend request from one of the leaders who said that she kept re-reading my form and thinking about how she couldn’t wait to get to know me.

…what?

I’m sorry but what the actual what? ME? Someone read m paper about how my hobbies are drinking coffee and doing puzzles as long as they’re not all one color and reading and hanging out with kids… and wanted to know me?

I tend to be pretty good with strangers in natural settings (I just talked to the cute barista at this coffee shop about the wedding he was in this weekend) but put me in a room with the expectation of building friendships and I shut down. When I was younger, I always thought that I’d be a confident, well-adjusted grown up… but apparently I’m still just me, except with a credit card and the ability to drive a car. Oh, and I get to decide how often I bathe.

Making friends is hard.

How do you guys make friends?

Let’s find someone who can build apps and come up with a friend-making app. Like a dating app, but you just want to make friends. You know?


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September 23, 2015
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  • Making friends as an adult is hard! I find that I make my new friends through organizations and church. It’s pretty cool to think about, actually. I have my Junior League friends, my church friends, my barre studio friends…

  • Hi goofball. I know what barista you are talking about 😉 and you are so good at making friends. I feel like you make everyone feel so comfortable and not awkward at all. I can talk to you about CRAZY things and we just met like not THAT long ago. Of course she wanted to meet you. Duh, who wouldn’t? And fyi, if I could have pink and polkadots on everything I would.

  • I totally get this. I don’t know how to make friends unless I’m forced into the situation. Like I’ve made great friends with roommates in the past (lucky for me, I know some people always get stuck with horrible roommates!) and a lot of my really close friends I’ve been friends with since elementary school. Or I’ll make friends via mutual friends or, most recently, blogging! So much social anxiety and awkwardness for meeee. But you seem like someone who could make friends with everyone!!!

  • I WANT A FRIEND MAKING APP!!!!!!

  • Bailey

    Making friends is SO hard! You know how they have online dating websites? They should have that for friends.

  • I just joined a Precepts class at my church (we’re doing Daniel) and I know the teacher and my (step) sister is in the class, but she knows a few of the others and I don’t. I’m also (probably) the youngest, but hopefully I’ll make some friends.

  • I am AWFUL at making friends. Naturally, introverts are, but I have talkative spells so people think I’m super social and then when I drop off the map for a couple weeks they’re like so does anybody know what happened to Allie? and then they’re all like are you okay and where were you and I’m like, dude, I was just at home. Being anti-social. And there are only so many people who are okay with you being 100% real like that!

    I would totally want to be your friend when I saw your pink and gold paper. I would friend you on Facebook too!! Every day, I’m excited to pull up your blog and read your latest post. It’s true. Your blog is on my top 5 favorites that I visit EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
    You know why?

    BECAUSE: YOU. <3

    • I would write a comment, but it would basically say this exact same thing. Stephanie, you’re great!

  • this is why we’re friends. Bc this post is 100% me. Show up at events bc I love people! And then sit in the back and don’t engage because what if they think I’m weird? Haha omgggg girl. I’m sharing this on Twitter right now 😀

  • I remember making friends in school and it was so easy…but since graduation? So difficult for me. I’m socially awkward though and just freeze up in group settings. I vote yes for a friend making app!!

    • It’s harder out of school for some reason — I guess because the commonality of being “in school” isn’t there any more. You have to find other links and commonalities to work with, so it involves digging a little deeper than “how was class today? what’s your major?” etc.

  • I find it hard too. I’m a people person, but also need time to myself. There are times when I’m dying to be with people (but just to sit back and listen & chime in on the occasion that I have something to say– that’s my favorite), but other times I just want to stay home. I think this combo can make it hard to get more friends, quickly at least.

  • Making friends as an adult is such a struggle, especially once you finish school. I’m trying to join community groups and meet people but it’s so hard and I just feel awkward and overwhelmed. My biggest struggle is that I am blessed to have amazing best friends…but we live very far away. I love our Skype dates and group chats and how committed we are to our friendship. I would also love to have friends who I can call up to have coffee without purchasing a plane ticket or sitting on my computer!