Recently I’ve been referring to “the new normal,” which is life post-Ryan, I guess. Not just in the boyfriend capacity, but right now even in the friend capacity. Even just typing that sucks, because I am still having a hard time wrapping my brain around not being able to send him dumb videos and emoji texts and the farther away from the conversation where he broke up with me, the less I understand it.
On Sunday I sat across from my friend Lisa at Chipotle, and told her everything… including my hatred of “the new normal.” Lisa scolded me for using such a fatalist language. She then suggested I think of it more like “this current season.” I immediately fell in love with it. I believe that there are two absolutes as far as seasons go. There’s the darkest night of winter and the brightest day of summer. Fall is transitioning from that summer day to the winter night, and spring is transitioning from the winter night to the summer day. Seasons are not things you live in, they’re the things you are constantly passing through.
Right now I’m passing through the winter night in anticipation of the summer day, and I’ve decided that I’m going to be open with it, because I don’t want Satan to get the glory of my broken heart. I want God to have every little piece of shrapnel from my blown up heart, and I want to invite people along the journey as I find all of the pieces and hand them over to God, because I want for this sucky stuff to mean something. I want people to be encouraged and to have hope and to be able to see whatever it is God is going to do with all of the broken pieces.
I’ve been using #thiscurrentseason on social media and will continue to do so as I hurt and process, trust and grow.
Luckily, I have been gifted THE WORLD’S GREATEST FRIENDS, who have rallied around me and listened to me process and have given me the hope and reassurance that God is faithful, if I just surrender and keep pushing through. Further up and further in. The only way to get to the summer’s day waiting on the other side.
Lisa and I, post-Chipotle. Getting tagged in this picture knocked off the remaining picture of California.
I recently bought a ticket to see my friend Allen play on Sunday. and I immediately picked my phone up and called him to make sure I could see him before his show. Which isn’t something I normally do, but the whole point of #thiscurrentseason is to be open and honest and to let my friends know that I need them. and Allen asked me if everything was okay, and I gave him a 25 second recap of my past week, and he said something so simple but so encouraging that I wrote it down so I can carry it with me in my pocket and when I feel the piece of paper I can remember what it says:
I’m going to share most of my #thiscurrentseason journey on my Instagram, so I invite you to follow along and join me.