June 18th, 2013 – I’m alive.


That is a picture of me from about ten minutes ago. I found that piece of paper from many years ago. We were driving from Portland to Seattle to see a second day of Hanson. There were some girls in the car next to us that looked like they could be Hanson fans. So I ripped out a piece of paper from a notebook, made this sign and held it up to the window.

The girls in the other car got excited and started waving and confirming that they, indeed, were on their way to see Hanson.

So I found this paper, which was from years ago, and realized that I have this horrible habit of saving pieces of paper. I save everything. Important packaging from wrapping paper, strings used to tie gifts together, ticket stubs, doodles or notes or drawings.. and I always think “this would be great to journal!”

But guess what. Let me tell you the dates of my last ten journal entries.

June 18th, 2013 (today)
June 10th, 2013 (only to lament about a coconut oil spill in my bag)
June 3rd, 2013 (because I couldn’t find my Bible study notebook)
April 22, 2013 (on a plane)
April 21, 2013 (at the Birks)
April 5th, 2013 (after reading my California journal)
February 17, 2013 (at the Worship arts retreat)
February 16, 2013 (at the Worship arts retreat)
February 15, 2013  (at the Worship arts retreat)
December 19, 2012 (to document a piece of wrapping paper and a Starbucks sticker)

TEN ENTRIES in six months. No wonder my little scrap pieces of paper tucked into everything collection is getting bad.

Then I thought about how I haven’t really blogged lately. or done anything, really.

My time at home has been spent sitting in my bathroom crying or sleeping, because I just hate calendars and phone calls and text messages and TIME. It’s killing me.

This morning I woke up at 5:30. My mom asked why I woke up so early and I said “I have no idea.” and I don’t. My body let me get four and a half hours of sleep, as if my body is worried it will sleep away valuable hours. So I read a little bit of The Summer of the Great Grandmother (this summer’s Madeleine L’Engle book) and cleaned and laid in bed, rubbing my feet together as if warmer toes were what I needed to get out of bed.

Now I have a cup of coffee in my system, warm toes, a journal entry, and this blog entry. I’d love to stay and write some more but time keeps on ticking into the future and I am going to get breakfast with Anna.