This is why I’m tired…

  • I do too much.

That’s it. That’s my reason.

There are things I do that I have to do. There are things I do that I choose to do. and then there are things I do that I cannot figure out why I do them.

Today I spent 3.5ish hours in the car so I could spend a few hours with my friend Bradley. I woke up exhausted and went over a long list of viable excuses I had to get out of it, and then I thought… how has this become my life, dreaming up ways to get out of doing things? And spending time with Bradley is something I’ve been looking forward to, so what quality of life am I living when I don’t want to do… what I want to do?

It’s not that I’m an always yes person. I take the words of Christ seriously, so I believe in simply letting my yes be yes and my no be no.. but holy crap, even the things I say YES to are burdens.

I HATE being so busy. Some people think that busyness is a way to avoid feeling empy or lonely. Others use busyness to make themselves feel important and needed. Busyness ruins my life. It reminds me that sometimes I make impulsive decisions, prioritize poorly and spend a whole lot of time doing things that don’t matter.

Late at night, I think “tomorrow I will not say yes to anything.” and I will inevitably fail at that, and I will think “I have Sunday afternoon to rest…” and that will be the first time I throw out to get together with someone, and it is this never. ending. cycle. of. busy.

That’s it. I just needed to get that off my chest.