scumbag spider.


Normally I don’t let myself use social media of any sort when I’m angry. I never turn to passive aggressive or ambiguous facebook statuses or tweets. If I happen to have a lapse in judgment, I get rid of it before many people can notice.

But I am SO. MAD. I cannot even function.

I’m sitting here on my bed, watching that X-Factor video of Jillian Jensen, thinking “well, I always wanted a pre-bedtime cry.” Then I thought “man, I need some tea.” So I went downstairs and remembered the Keurig was almost out of water.

I took the water filly part {scientific name, btw} and started filling it up with water. Because I’m inconsiderate, when I figured out that there was enough water for at least one cup of tea, I set it back down on the counter when my world came to a stop.

The spider that had been apparently hanging out on the OUTSIDE of the water filly thing quickly crawled right into the corner.

I stared at it and wished for it to just scurry away and I’d pretend the whole thing never happened. Seriously, I am able to do that. Spiders kind of freak me out when they pop up out of nowhere, but when I know to expect them I’m not bothered by them.

In high school a spider named Frank lived in my bedroom for like a year. and this morning while I was sitting on the toilet, I noticed a big spider race across the floor and I was like “I love my bathroom, too!” I didn’t kill it or anything.

But when they just SIT THERE.

I just think they’re planning some big war on me. No joke, I take it personally.

So this idiot spider was just sitting there. I decided to kind of fake it out and give it a chance to redeem itself. I ran upstairs to get my phone, hoping that I’d come back and be like “Oh shucks I missed it!” and it could crawl back into its hole, giggling at the joke it played on me.

 

BUT IT WAS STILL SITTING THERE.

The more I looked at it just sitting there, the more angry I got.

Finally I said “fine, you win. You just ruined my day.”

and I walked upstairs, LITERALLY SHAKING MY HEAD at the AUDACITY of that spider. Just sitting there. SITTING THERE.

Then I thought about the appropriate response. and clearly I needed to publicly out that spider by writing a whole blog about how terrible it is.

Good. night.