big prayers for little people.

More often than not, I lay awake at night and I pray for the little people in my life. I think about the tiny hands I get to hold, the tears I get to wipe, the laughs I get to hear. And usually my heart gets knotted and my eyes get watery and I pray. I pray with every drop of faith I have, because the influence I’ve been given is terrifying.

God,
Let me be who they think I am.
Give them courage in their times of worry.
Teach me to be taught by them.
Hold them close.

This weekend I found myself at the Nottle’s house, which usually happens when I’m at Camp. Ellen, who just turned 3, was tired and a little more cuddly than I’m used to and I wished I could pause the moment and view it from eternity. I know I’m currently in eternity, but you  know.. from Heaven, with Ellen at my side, looking down in wonder at the small, seemingly insignificant moment where the magnitude of being in her little life was weighed on my heart.

I felt her little fingers curl around mine and thought – God I am not big enough to handle this little responsibility. I am not wise enough, patient enough, present enough or enough enough to be worthy of her knowing my name and remembering my glitter shoes and lighting up when she sees me running towards her.

But really, I can’t be enough because I can’t stop seeking God out for her. Or for Micah, or William or Jeremiah. For Izzy and for Bramwell, for Hayden and Elias. For Chloe. For all of these little faces and hearts and lives that God has somehow decided appropriate for me to have the proximity to impact.

There is no greater joy or responsibility in my life today, and my only response is to pray big prayers.