Five on Friday

Hello everyone. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve done a Five on Friday. I’ve had a really overwhelming week and I decided I wanted to flush out my emotions here, so I want to share with y’all 5 things I’ve learned in my first week of being engaged.

First I want to say this. I know people who became “relationship gurus” after two months of dating someone, or who start sharing very expertly crafted how-to wedding planning posts while they’re still engaged or marriage wisdom a month or two into their marriage. To each their own, but I can only share my own personal experience which is constantly changing and growing. But I had a pretty major life event happen and have been spending a lot of time deep in thought.

What I've learned in my first week of being engaged // stephanieorefice.net

Here it is. Five things I’ve learned in my first week of being engaged.

ONE // I hate attention.

I knew this anyway. I hate birthdays and speaking in front of people and cutting my hair or getting new glasses or anything that might draw any sort of attention my way. Apparently it doesn’t even matter if it’s something exciting, I still hate attention. I haven’t responded to any of the texts or comments or anything because I am kind of hoping people have already moved on to something else.

TWO // I don’t feel any different.

People (mostly my mom) kept asking how it felt to be engaged and I just shrugged and said “the same.” The ring is sparkly and I like looking at it. Justen grabs my hand and looks at it at least once every time I see him. But I feel the same. I’m the same me, I have the same priorities and hopes and dreams and personality. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be bouncing off the wall excited or something but I just feel the same.

THREE // It’s solved no problems.

I’ve cried over the same problems I was crying about before Justen proposed. I’ve struggled to get out of bed with exhaustion and depression at the same rate I did prior to having a ring on my finger. Justen and I both acknowledged last year that we’re both realistic about marriage – it’s not going to fix us. From what I’ve read and I know, marriage is an instrument of healing in monumental measures, but it also brings new problems and issues and broken parts to the surface. There’s nothing we’ve felt tension about that has magically been fixed by having a ring on my finger. It puts a light at the end of the tunnel for the things that really weigh heavy on us (not having our own space, having to say goodbye every night, etc) but there’s not been an immediate solution to anything.

FOUR // Marriage means more than a wedding.

I’ve spent my whole entire life dreaming about my wedding. I wanted the party and the pretty dresses and sentimental trinkets and the whole nine yards. and the more that I am finally seeing the price tag attached to these things, I care less and less. I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars I don’t have on things that will cause me months of stress in a time when I’d rather be spending my energy preparing to build a new family with a strange and mysterious creature known as a male. The more people ask me questions about a wedding, the less I actually care about that portion of it. I never expected to have this kind of response. It’s coming from really deep within me, too. I actually feel my lack of caring about a wedding pulsing through my veins. It’s weird. I can’t even describe it, but people usually talk about being all excited and giddy with overwhelm at the thought of a wedding. I’m the opposite.

FIVE // There are a lot of important people in my life.

The one thing I really care about is being surrounded my friends and the people who have poured years and countless hours into me. Justen gets to marry me because of the people who have stood around me and protected me, who have sat with me when I’ve worn myself out, who have seen me grow and shed layers of immaturity and stupid ambition. and there are a lot of those people who fall into that category. Perhaps it’s because I’ve spent a long time growing up, but there are a lot of people who have contributed to my becoming the person Justen is choosing, and I want to honor them by having them around me. Weddings and funerals are the only times I can see that people travel to celebrate someone’s life, and I don’t want to wait until I can’t be there to hold the flowers.

 

It felt good to get all of that out. Every time someone tries to talk to me about being engaged, I want to somehow just share all of these things with them because talking about a wedding stresses me out because I’m 2% excited about a wedding, 5% excited about being surrounded by people I love and 93% excited about starting a life with Justen Martian.

For those of you that have been engaged, what was your experience? Am I normal in any of this? đŸ˜€ I’m going to try and not go on and on and on about this on my blog, but I tend to run straight to my corner of the internet for help in processing things – usually they are sad, breakup things, so this one is different, but it’s still overwhelming and big.


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March 24, 2017
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  • So you will probably get asked how it feels to be married after the wedding and you will most likely feel this same way! Everyone kept acting like you’re supposed to feel different but I just felt like me lol

    I think it’s really good and healthy that you both have realistic expectations about marriage and don’t expect it to fix anything. That is such a great thing to realize going into it!

    I was so ready to be done with wedding planning and just be with my husband. That is the important thing and you realizing that will help you enjoy the wedding rather than stress about it I think!

    And I think it’s completely normal to feel this way! I did and others I have talked to felt this way too. I think it’s especially normal when you get married later too. Like not at 18 or 20. We have a bit more life behind us and realize what to prioritize.

  • Casey Harvilla

    I found myself nodding in agreement as I read this – 1. I was proposed to ON STAGE at a Stephen Kellogg concert. So that whole attention thing went out the window from the very start.

    One thing that was (and still is sometimes) really frustrating is people making comments about how “fast” we moved. Matt and I dated for about 14 months before getting engaged, but we both KNEW *IT* within the first few weeks. I’ve always been of the thought that once you find someone, you just go with it, because it’s right.

    Those comments are THE WORST.

    But, I’m so excited for you and will gladly offer up chat session to discuss the wedding planning process!

  • Congratulations on your engagement! It’s such a fun and happy time! So far in my year and half of marriage I’ve learned that marriage definitely has it’s own obstacles, but there is nothing more awesome or rewarding than getting to “do life” with your best friend!

  • This is all suuuper true…and you’re dead on about marriage not fixing things! And Devin’s the same way in that he hates attention, so all those wedding photos weren’t his favorite. But I will say that you should increase your wedding excitement percentage based on #5 because a wedding is a giant dance party with everyone you love in one place. It’s the best. đŸ™‚ (But obvs marriage is more important like you said)