Don’t be afraid; just believe.

Don't be afraid; just believe - Mark 5:36 // stephanieorefice.net

My journey to read through the Bible in 6 months is going really well, but it means lots of reading in books like.. Leviticus. Which are.. um.. fascinating.. but man. My  heart is still hurting. and when your heart is hurting and you open the Bible, reading about the details of animal sacrifice aren’t really the things that calm your spirit, you know?

One morning I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom, reading through Leviticus and I said “GOD, GIVE ME SOMETHING! JUST SOMETHING! I NEED SOMETHING!

I finished reading Leviticus and flipped over to my ONE chapter in Mark. Jesus just healed the woman with the bleeding problem and then Jairus, whose daughter was sick, hears that his daughter died. Jesus overhears someone delivering the news to Jairus and he says to Jairus,

“Don’t be afraid; just believe.”

and there I sat, on my bathroom floor, face pressed into my Bible, crying.

Don’t be afraid.
Just believe.

People, I don’t even know what I’m afraid OF. I just know that these days I feel a weird fear in my bones. Maybe, if I’m really honest, the fear is that I’ll never get married. Such a stupid fear in the grand scheme of life, but I feel so READY. Today I texted a bunch of my friends this text message:

Part of what I’m grieving right now is that I was looking forward to growing in a relationship, like learning and putting in the work and stuff. You know? Not like it would be a battle, but like making time and listening and being intentional and stuff. I feel like I was excited to learn how to be a significant other, not just this girl someone is kind of dating. and I’m sad because I think I’d be pretty awesome at that.

I FEEL SO READY.

One of my favorite hymns is the one that says “Pass me not, O gentle Savior. Hear my humble cry, while on others thou art calling.. do not pass me by.”

Do not pass me by // stephanieorefice.net

and when I hear it, I think of myself sitting on this rock, watching this parade of people with Jesus at the center, come up the road towards me. and I can’t get my mouth to spit the words out, but I am sitting there, hoping to catch Christ’s eye and plead the words with my eyes. DO NOT PASS ME BY.

I guess that’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid the wedding parade will march right past me while I sit on the rock.

Woah. Let me talk in real time right now. Right now, this is the current scene…

starbucks // stephanieorefice.net

I’m at Starbucks. I made myself at home and took my bobby pins out and everything. I wrote those few sentences and then I looked out the window at the sky, because I was crying. I literally cry when I write some of these blog posts, because it’s real talk.

Then I heard the words of the song playing –

His eye is on the sparrow
His eye is on you.

WHAT. MOMENTS after I wrote that I wanted to give Jesus a pleading glance but worried he couldn’t see me. What what what.

Just more affirmation of this post, of the words I’ve been treasuring in my heart the past few days:

Don’t be afraid;
Just believe.

Okay so for me, my current fear is that I’m never going to be married. Jesus is plainly saying “Stephanie, just believe.”

What about you?

What is the fear that is screaming in your head? When you sit on the rock worrying Jesus will pass by you, what parade is he in? Is it like me, the wedding parade? or is it a baby parade? Maybe it’s the “someone I know is very sick,” parade or “I will never get out of debt” parade.

Whatever parade is fast approaching, just know this.

Jesus said to not be afraid.
His eye is on you. He sees you.

Don’t be afraid.
Just believe.

 

Linking up with Good Morning Mondays, Mondays @ Soul Survival,  Motivate & RejuvenateMonday’s Musings, Sharing His Beauty, Titus 2 Tuesday, Unite, Testimony Tuesday, Women Encouraging Women, Tell it to me Tuesdays, Hump Day Happenings, Coffee and Conversation

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May 4, 2015
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  • It’s very clear that you pour your heart into your writing — no wonder you cry while you do it! Thanks for digging deep and being so honest with us. For me, it started at the career parade, which became the marriage parade and then the buying-a-house parade and then the baby parade. It just never ends, unless we ask for the Lord’s help in putting an end to the cycle. I’m so glad we can go to him for our affirmation. Thanks for this sweet reminder!

    • THANK YOU for the reminder, too. one of the most influential people in my life is struggling with infertility. there is no end to the wants, needs & desires if we are unable to be content in every circumstance, you know? the Lord stops the cycle, regardless of what parade is lapping in front of us. love & needed the reminder. thank you, brittany.

  • Karen Del Tatto

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart and blessing those who read your post.

    It’s amazing how powerful five words can be! “Don’t be afraid, just believe.”

    God’s words bring such peace. Thank you for sharing!

    • karen! thank you for taking the time to comment. i’ve been more vulnerable in my writing these days and it is SO GOOD to know that God is using it to bless others. thank you for reading my words <3

  • I just love reading your posts. It’s amazing the things that God will reveal to us when we take the time to listen to his word. <3

    • JAYME! thank you thank you for consistently reading. and you’re right… when we take the time. the Word is there waiting for us, but we have to take the time.

  • Lindsey Smallwood

    So sweet Stephanie, I love that hymn, pass me not- praying for you in the waiting today.

    • lindsey! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS. that hymn is my favorite. thank you again for your prayers.

  • Oh, Stephanie — I have been where you are. You are NOT alone, and this season too, even the hard waiting, will pass. You are looking and listening for God, and that’s so important — and he is taking care of you. Praying that you feel covered and cherished today. xoxo

    • kristen. thank you for the reminder. re-reading your words a day later, i’m kinda getting teary in responding. thank you for those prayers. in the midst of my emptiness, i feel so surrounded and championed and for that i am so incredibly grateful. God has used this to bring glory to himself, and that’s all i want… for God to receive the glory in all of this.

  • Time2Refuel

    I have to say that I so needed to read this. Thank you for sharing your heart and being so honest. I had felt the same fear years back when I wanted the same things. Now the goals are different but the fears are the same. Thank you Stephanie for helping me refocus my sight back onto the one that is watching over me. I loved knowing that you pour yourself into your writing emotionally because I actually do the same and thought I was just an overly emotional wreck. Look at that I’m crying again. I just can’t help it there’s a lot of emotion stored up in there. So happy I came across your site. I’ll be praying for you and that special someone that God has out there somewhere for you. Blessings! ♥

    • THANK YOU!
      maybe we’re just both overly emotional wrecks 😉 but at least we are not alone, am i right!?
      it’s so helpful for me to remember that there’s no “end” to the wanting, the waiting, the desiring… because sometimes i feel like marriage or a special person is the end goal, but even if those pieces fit together then together there is more to want and desire, you know?
      i’m so glad God used my words to speak to you – and thank you thank you thank you for the prayers. i need them!!! <3

  • Kamea Hope

    Wow, this is powerful! Thank you for sharing yourself so openly and transparently. Yes, we all have our fears. Mine has been fear of sharing my story of childhood abuse – fear that people will judge and condemn, but do you know what? The very opposite has been true. As I have shared my story on my blog, I have been surrounded by love and compassion. The evil one continually lies to us, and trys to instill fear, but God’s ways are far above our own. He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. He is so very fond of you, dear one. He has an amazing plan for your life. You will not miss the parade and it will be far more glorious than you ever imagined.
    Blessings and hugs,
    Kamea

    • KAMEA.
      okay well here i am all teary again. one thing i’ve REALLY clung to is the truth that God WORKS THESE THINGS FOR GOOD. he doesn’t cause them, but he will take all of our broken pieces and will do something magnificent with them so long as we are constantly offering them back to him. kamea i pray boldness for you, that you would continue to share your story and offer hope to people who are scared to share their stories or feel like they are alone in suffering. to God be all of the glory of all of our suffering.
      thank you for your words. thank you so much <3

  • I love those five words that change everything. So often we have to look beyond our circumstances with eyes of faith in order to enter into the peace that they offer. So glad to have found your blog today at Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday!

    • michele! thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. we definitely need to look beyond our circumstances, but sometimes it can be so hard when we can hardly see in front of us through the tears in our eyes, you know?! <3

  • Loved this! Your ability to conjure up scripture and truth when you’re struggling is truly impressive. It’s so important to remember the promises of God when we doubt His plans or feel Him absent. Thank you for sharing about your current struggles so honestly!

    • rachel –
      THANK YOU SO MUCH for your words and encouragement. for some reason, it’s so much easier for me to see God’s goodness when i’m struggling and in a valley. thank you for embracing my vulnerability!! all i care about is that God gets the glory of this, you know?! thank you again so much <3

  • Beautiful words!

  • This is beautiful! I am so sorry you are struggling, but I am thankful you are seeking God through your pain!

    Kristin // The Peculiar Treasure
    athisfeetdaily.blogspot.com

    • Also, you said you are “still hurting”. Do you have a post on why you are hurting?

      • kristin! thank you thank you for the encouragement.

        yes, i do, though it’s really just the tip of the iceberg at this point! but it’s kind of the catalyst:

        http://stephanieorefice.net/2015/04/10/trusting-god-when-your-heart-hurts/

        • Ok! I actually did read that. I remember wondering though, did he do something wrong, or did she break up with him? haha. I never found the answer.
          I’m sorry you are struggling though.

          • neither! i’m posting a TINY bit more about it in a few days, but it’s all just messy and frustrating and at the heart of it, the deepest sorrow for me is that i’ve lost someone who was my close friend before we dated. that’s what’s so hard about it, i think.

          • That is hard. I’m sorry. Well, it may seem a little nosey, but I am interested in learning more. Your story intrigued me.

  • This ministered to me! And I’ve been married almost 21 years. 🙂 I love posts written from the heart, the ones that make tears fall even when you’re in a public place. They are THE BEST! And yes, you’re gonna so rock the wife stage. I’m popping over from The Peony Project today.

    • YESSSSS. can i use this comment as a reference for guys i date in the future??? 😉
      and yes. the ugly embarrassing cry where it’s like “okay let’s just be real here,” and it’s like super ultra real.

      also haaayyyy we have the same blog theme!! ;D

  • Rebecca

    Such a touching story. Let me tell you my story. I was alone for 17 years (keep reading this gets better) after my ex left but I met a wonderful, Godly man and he is totally awesome. So it is worth the wait and I’m praying I didn’t scare you with the 17 years – I just knew God was with me all that time. Blessings. Visiting from More of Him Link Up.

    • Rebecca! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story. I have a friend who got married at 42 and in times of my deepest sorrow and need and hurt and frustration she is one of the people i cling to the tightest because she knows all about waiting for God’s best! thank you for encouraging me to trust him 🙂